Fear and Joy
by jtjaforever
Summary: John learns what home really means.Spoilers up to The Return P2.


Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, I just play with them.

Fear and Joy

John Sheppard thought he had experienced it all – fear on every level imaginable. He had been held by Wraith, mind raped and fed on. Hell, he had even experienced death and resurrection, but never had to deal with the kind of fear he faced today. With heart racing a hundred miles an hour and shaky, sweaty hands he was doing something he had never done before, at least he didn't remember doing it – praying.

This time it wasn't about him, he'd learned to control, to live with and through fear. This affected something much more precious, something he never thought he would ever have…family, his family – Teyla.

She lay on the infirmary bed sweat beading on her face as she focused beyond the pain. John held her hand and gave her an encouraging smile when her eyes lifted to his as the wave of pain passed. He never knew he could love so much, so deeply that life was all that mattered. Now his greatest fear was one he had no control over, one that ate away at him with each passing hour, the fear of losing his heart, his soul, and the best part of himself. So he prayed, fear venting in unspoken entreaties to a power he hoped would listen - to one so unaccustomed to such a thing.

When the expedition had been ordered back to Earth upon the Ancients return to Atlantis John had merely mused what not having around would mean. She was trusted friend, confident, and the best darn 21C he ever had. However six weeks on Earth was enough to realize how much she truly meant to him – so much more that she would ever have known. So, when the Asurans attacked Atlantis it was more than his willingness to save the only place he had ever truly felt at home, it was a need to return to her side – to Teyla.

Upon entering the Athosian camp John didn't know what he expected. Seeing her again, hearing her speak his name with such joy and enthusiasm made his heart soar. He'd wanted to sweep her up in his arms and tell her right there in front of all what he hadn't hid in his heart for so long. To hold her, to kiss her tenderly so not like the bug induced kiss she remembered. But that would have to wait later, they had a mission to plan and carry out.

With the briefing completed and the explanation of how the ARGs worked by Rodney John wanted the team to know, wanted Teyla to know that he was not giving up their home without a fight. He'd watched her beautiful face as he spoke the words – the tilt of her head in acknowledgement, the slight smile of her lips in response and felt she understood his full meaning. After the others had headed for the puddle jumper, John stayed back and waited for Teyla pulling her aside.

"John, what is it?" She had that look on her face that always alerted him to the fact that his emotional mask had slipped, but she had always been attuned to him in that way.

His hand had remained on her arm, enjoying the tactile reminder that it wasn't a dream, he was really here…with her.

"I…I just needed to say…to tell you something. Teyla, you know how our missions can go. We plan well, okay we try to plan well, but it may go to hell in a hand basket before it is over said and done. Anyway there were things, are things I need you to know…things I meant to say…should have said."

Then she smiled at him, a smile that told him she already knew - no words were need… not yet. Teyla leaned toward him touching her head to his as he had when they had parted in the gate room six weeks before. When they parted she said softly, "You are here…it is enough for now. We will talk when our home is secure – that I promise you, John Sheppard."

John then touched her cheek, tracing the outline of her jaw tenderly. "I'm holding you to that," he said with a smile. "Guess we should get going."

A simple nod had been her response as they made their way toward the puddle jumper, Atlantis and the unknown.

Teyla kept her promise, despite a nasty blast wound to the abdomen that had her laid up in the infirmary for a week to recover when the mission went a little south. Her days of recuperation had resulted in a bit of healing for John as well. He had told her of his heart's desire, had reveled to know she felt the same. He cherished their first real kiss, the warm sweet embrace that followed. There was also the realization that never again could what he felt for this woman be hidden. He wanted her…needed her like the air he breathed and the food he ate. Then there was the need to claim her in the only way that made it all right – he had asked her to marry him.

Joy and congrats abound from Ronon and Elizabeth who ragged John about finally coming to his senses after taking so long. As always if it didn't involve the scientific workings of Atlantis then Rodney was totally clueless, but his happiness for them hadn't been lessen by that fact.

As for the SGC, he and Teyla had saved O'Neil, Woolsey, Atlantis, and thwarted a possible invasion of Earth by the Asurans. With the Ori war keeping them occupied the romantic dealings of the Atlantis expedition wasn't a high priority on the list of things to address. Needless to say both O'Neill and Woolsey were more than happy to offer support to John and Elizabeth in light of the events. That had extended to John's decision to marry Teyla as well.

But, as life would have it, or his life to be more exact, Sheppard's law prevailed. Damn, he really hated his cousin Murphy - if it was going to go wrong it did and as always good things for John often came with a price.

John looked at Teyla as she braced herself against another wave of pain. Looking at Carson he smiled and nodded his assurances in a way only Carson could. He had told them that Teyla's wound would never cause any future problem, but they had not anticipated some of the complications that had ensued. Teyla was Teyla after all. Never once did she let the uncertainly affect her positive outlook for their future – their family, their home.

"I just need you to push one last time, lass" Carson instructed.

Carson's voice drew John back to the present. He leaned in so Teyla could use him as a brace.

"Come on Teyla just a little more," he said as she gripped his hands tightly.

Teyla took in a deep breath and with one final push and Carson's help delivered her beautiful baby boy.

John wiped the damp tendrils of hair from her face, laughing hysterically. Teyla couldn't help but join him in her own joy. Carson suctioned the baby's mouth and that beautiful sound of life filled his heart to bursting. He had no idea in a life filled with such pain and death that there could be so much joy. He gave a silent thank you to his hearer of prayer and watched with Teyla while Carson and a nurse quietly checked the baby's vital signs. Once content that there were no problems, the baby was wrapped in a small blanket and presented to his parents.

"Here John," Carson said with a huge smile handing him the small package of love that was now a part of his wonderful family. "You do the honors."

John looked down into the cubby face of his son. Sun kissed skin not unlike his mother's but with a thatch of unruly dark hair. Then he yawned and open his eyes – a green not unlike the seas of Atlantis – the eyes of his father. The shaking in his hands now wasn't because of fear, but from the greatest joy he felt he would ever know. Looking into the eyes of the newest love of his life John realized that if he never lived to see another day this would be the greatest, most treasured day of his life.

John settled JT in his mother's arms. Teyla exposed her breast to him and he latched on eagerly.

"Now that's my boy," he laughed. Teyla smirked playfully hitting him in the arm.

"Thank you," John whispered as little JT wrapped a fat finger around John's.

"For what?" Teyla said raising a brow.

"For him, for being you but most of all for loving me, allowing me to love you – to know what home really is all about. I am so privileged to have you in my life and I will spend each day showing you how much." John kissed her softly and she smiled against his lips.

"What?"

"I will hold you to that John Sheppard – that is a promise."

"By all means, it's a promise I plan to never break," he whispered as he kissed his wife again.

This fic is dedicated to Camy, the challenge was a fic for a sig. That's one way to get work outta that girl – LOL. It is also in answer to my own challenge that I posted on STFever in celebration of Joe F. aka John Sheppard becoming a new dad. It was to write a fic, poem or do any art work or vid of our fun couple as new parents – TADA!

Finally what does JT stand for I know you all what to know…John Tagan…yeah, sorry he's a Jr.

Hope you all enjoyed and FB is always helpful and encouraging to the muse.


End file.
